whee~

fine

2011-02-25T21:02:00.002+08:00

all good things must come to an end. happy 1000th beloved chiscake.bs!

i daresay you've been with me though the ups and downs in life. growing up with me. it's not because i've grown up and stopped relying on you already. you've written so many pages in my life, filling it with colours and expressions that only you and me know best :)

for being there when i was immature, stupid, foolish, happy, sad, pissed everything. well, not like you had a choice anyway. but i guess this is a lesson learnt, that it's time to be more independent, stop relying on others. when i feel upset or what, i'll learnt to hold it in, stop being a burden to others.

there's just so many things to say! but i can't drag this anymore :( i really want to apologise for hurting people through my blog in the past. i was such a freaking bitch. although i still am but i'm more reasonable now haha :)

i don't know if i'll be blogging at the other blog heeeee. but i do know that i'm planning to start a business in dec after A lvls! planning :) it's money making time $_$

right now i needa focus on my studies. sighhhhhhhhhhhh :( 5years 5 years :)))

i should stop being stupid right? if someone has changed, then it's time to move on. it's not about being mean or anything. but i don't see the point. call me someone who gives up easily but whats the point of holding on if the other party doesn't want to. friendship needs effort on both sides of the party. move on friends. although i'm sad that we aren't as close as before sometimes, i'm still glad we were once able to create really incredibly happy memories. that's my take away.

stop relying on people. be independent. try to solve it by yourself first before asking others for help. reflect upon your actions and learn to visit yourself once in awhile. cos we're moving too fast to keep up with change, the first one we forget about is us.

2011-01-24T00:21:00.002+08:00

999th :)

went for acupuncture today. freaking pain. but i overcame it :) although i was covering my eyes haha. now that i know i can tolerate this, my limit can go further :) be more tolerant of pain and everything else.

hush hush.

p/s last post will be a summary of everything+hyunseung+lots of farewell things before i close the blog!

wait for it kkkk :)

2011-01-23T00:34:00.001+08:00

no matter what i do, it won't go away.
mixing salt and sugar, picking them out 1 by 1.
don't know don't know don't know.

2011-01-15T02:10:00.002+08:00

we aren't close friends, but this is probably the only thing i can share my views on.

we all meet a certain someone in life. that person taught us things in life that we never knew, brightens up our life and for that moment of time, always being there. slowly bit by bit, feelings grow and before you know it, you're deeply involved in it.

at that moment in time i guess thats when life was at it's peak. just wanting to have more joy and form closer bonds with him.. close friends :) you might find yourself doing things for him that you yourself wouldn't do at all. he would be your priority. you just can't help not not doing things for him be it tangible or intangible.

but things started to change and you'll realise, maybe both are not meant to be. so near yet so far. trying to fight against the current of events that separated you from him, turns out that we're just drifting further and further away from each other, rendering it futile.

you might feel empty. as if something disappeared from you. like 'was everything worth it?' it depends. we'll blame ourselves for being stupid,dumb, being unable to control our emotions and everything else. we'll feel insecure and cautious about ourselves.

why were we holding on? wasn't it a pity to let go? why did we even let it start in the first place if we knew things were going to be this way?

but the other party doesn't wait.

we may have been foolish once but at least, this experience helps us toe the line. you can say it protects us. keep the happier memories for yourself. it's over already but you can say we once had memories that were irreplaceable by others, something that only you and him share.

but i'll have to salute you for being courageous and doing those which i would never dreamt of at all. i never got my answer, but you had yours.

it's impossible to totally detach yourself from all these mess, slowly but surely you'll be able to do it. you'll get out of it, you'll pull through. it's okay to be dumb once, and we won't be the next time round.

"'cos if both are so hesitant about something, doesn't it mean something?"

be strong :) it's mentally taxing but you can do it!!!

i don't know if this helps but. yeah. hahahaha :)

2011-01-09T18:02:00.001+08:00

gonna live 2011 like patrick star.

5 more posts till i hit 1k OMG. then i'll close this blog and lock my whereabouts!

2011-01-08T00:41:00.001+08:00

chiscake`` is lauGRhing! says:
*you know
*i'm shy
*HA
*OMG
*hAHAHAA
hy says:
*with handphone number and email somemore
*HAHAHA
chiscake`` is lauGRhing! says:
*DONT CALL ME
hy says:
*not me
chiscake`` is lauGRhing! says:
*EH MY EMAIL
*use
hy says:
*lecturers MIGHT call you
chiscake`` is lauGRhing! says:
*--------@gmail.com
hy says:
*HAHA WHY?
chiscake`` is lauGRhing! says:
*it sounds less fake
*call me?
*then i
*"hello? interview? whr got. don't have lah"
hy says:
*WAH
*YOU
*DIE
chiscake`` is lauGRhing! says:
*"thy? who is that?"
hy says:
*I SWEAR
*I WILL
*SABOTAGE
*YOU
chiscake`` is lauGRhing! says:
*HAHAHAHHAHAA
hy says:
*WHEN IT COMES TO B2ST
chiscake`` is lauGRhing! says:
*okay. peace \/
hy says:
*HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

emotional blackmail towards a fangirl at its best.

2011-01-04T20:33:00.003+08:00

do you feel the uneasiness in your heart?
know it well and remember it
cos' you can't simply transfer the guilt to others
where one has to take responsibility of their own sins

-by dengeki daisy.

2011-01-03T20:08:00.001+08:00

sometimes i'm hovering.
between here and there.

hurrrrrr.

2011-01-02T21:46:00.002+08:00

i do not solemnly swear that i'm up to no good.

but whenever i try to download documents that sincerely needs my attention, they are ALWAYS labelled as virus containing software on my computer.

this is a signal that these are work that i absolutely cannot touch

screw this shit.

2011-01-02T18:04:00.002+08:00

2011 seems kinda dark and gloomy for me :(

but my star signs and zodiac signs all not bad eh :/
idk. it looks shitty.

i don't want tmr to come. i can just cry now :(

who will feel upset man. seriously :( :( :( :(

old freak :(

5 years pact :)

2010-12-31T01:29:00.002+08:00

jan called me today. hahh
15 min rant on school, cannot cope, etcetcetc,
i don't know what homework i have :(
"they said if you cannot cope with your studies next year, you might get suspended. for sporting ccas."
i wish i can self declare my own cca suspension.
a ticket to eternal freedom for crying out loud.
hahahahahhahahahahaha.
you can hear the bells ringing and the birds singing and suddenly angels fall from the sky. rainbows appear and everyone might just sing praise the lord.

TOO MUCH. HAHAHAHAHA.
sometimes,
being an idol is much better.
you're just so busy with stuffs, time zooms.
and your life ends.
i can't wait for that sometimes :(
things should jsut come to a stop for everything. just end. end end end end.
get next year over and done with.
for once, i'm in a hurry to grow up, but not in a hurry to reach 18 :(
5 years later, i'll be where you are :)

thinking thru stuffs carefully,

i know my idol is young and will wanna focus on his career,
so am i and i shall focus on my studies.

so i'm giving the both of us 5 years.

stabilise his career,
buck up o my studies,get and degree, learn korean,
and for cupid to hone his aim :)

5 years k?

B2ST's jang hyun seung is love!

2010-12-28T16:12:00.005+08:00

pict taken from fuckyeahhyunseung.tumblr.com and the group that took him ^^

behind every successful idol is a fangirl :D

i know what i wanna be when i grow up. marry jang hyun seung. kekekekeke :p
aigoo. i never idolised an idol this badly before. even my friends say so :)
so? hes really really incredibly special! kekekeke ^^

idkkkkkkkkkkkkkk. i think hes just awesome even tho hes pretty unfit. esp when running for chuseok. BUT IT'S ALRIGHT! AT LEAST YOU FINISHED IT ^^ -gives a pat on the back-

neomu neomu chuwa oppa :)

but then again, he'll never read this :( i hope that at least in this lifetime, i'll be able to meet him, just once. that'll be enough. RIGHT RIGHT RIGHT :)

B2ST hwaiting! i want B2ST to come singpaore again :( regrettable that i didn't take note of their group when they came to sg back then. when they came for asia pop it was too late too. UGUUUUU :(

but loopin introduced me to a website "www.fuchyeahhyunseung.tumblr.com" sooo many photos of him! i like :) bestie told me "what was she thinking? your phone will be full of him alr" i don't care :)

this obsession over hyun seunggggggg, hahaha i don't know. it's pretty bad right. idol's don't like overly obsessive fangirls :( but i'll still continue to support him and B2ST morally until they come singapore again :)

any idea why i keep typing hyun seung's name? cos i want him to read it when it turns up while hes surfing the net kekeke ^^ but even if he reads he won't reply one right. but just reading is enough i guess!

take good care of yourself oppas!!!!!!!!!!

aigoo. end of fangirling. even i, am surprised at myself :(

but guess what. his birthday is on the 3rd of sept ^^ same date diff month. aigoo. hahahahaha.

ENOUGH WITH THE CRAZY THOUGHTS.

let it snow, let it snow, let it snow.
pretty smart of the duo i guess. occupying half the performance each, = maximum airtime for both of them and their fans. kekekeke.

2010-12-20T22:27:00.002+08:00

why am i always the alt?
why can't you shift up my name, tab past others and enter my name in caps lock?
shift '1' and add an exclamation mark beside my name to show that i'm even more important than 1.

i hate this. i wanna be a hermit crab now. -TRANSFIGURE- poof.

2010-12-15T17:58:00.001+08:00

"A slim figure, petite height, small face, and soft hair
I want to have you and to embrace you, everywhere I want you by my side
Even if others curse you, that's just the price of your beauty
You don't need to worry about it
You and I just fall in love all night long"

- [i like you best] B2st

THAT GIRL IS ME RIGHT HAHAHAHAHAHA.

it sucks to be misunderstood. but whatever. i will be what you want me to be.

2010-12-15T16:15:00.001+08:00

remember the nursery rhyme?

fly away peter, fly away paul,
come back peter, come back paul.

why is it in my case it's always
fly away peter, fly away paul,
goodbye peter, goodbye paul?

2010-12-13T23:32:00.001+08:00

and i wonder,

how the elderly carry on with their lives while their significant other passes on.
what keeps them alive of years?

2010-12-05T00:46:00.002+08:00

a friend's very not innocent love for me.
she has been possessed by casper, the friendly ghost and it not being very friendly to my fb wall. i can do a wall paper of this whole saga :(
CAN YOU SEE THE SMALL POOR KERO APPEARING AT THE THIRD PANEL :(
i have horrified and traumatised friend, you spooked all my stalkers/admirers/fb-hoppers AWAY!

-wails-

what say you you take me out for a treat :D:D:D

I PRAY I DO NOT END UP LIKE HER AFTER A's HAHAHAHAHA :p

2010-12-03T23:33:00.002+08:00

i have to admit, sometimes i really do not agree with what the govt. does. of course, nothing is perfect but still :(

and i told myself i will never ever allow myself to be a govt.'s dog, even if it means a metal ricebowl for me. idkidkidk. can just say i lost all respect for the educational system.

sometimes it's hard, being in a dilemma to do what you really wanna do and doing what is seen as "right" by the society. there isn't really any right or wrong is it? life is just like a gamble manzxzxzxz.

off to play mj.

2010-11-29T19:15:00.002+08:00

the only way to exceed expectations is to not have any towards one at all.

sometimes i wonder what have i've really done for myself for the past 17 coming to 18 years.
it amounted to nothing. at all.
somehow i always felt that as long as you did as you were told, meet the expectations of others and thats it. thats life.
but i'm not happy. at all.
what have i expected of myself? what do i really want for myself?

i can't find an answer to that :(
at all.

screw this shit. i've wasted nearly one quarter of my life doing nothing.

2010-11-20T23:06:00.001+08:00

you're doing fine.

you could do so much better.

time to be more.. disciplined. wasted one year alr, don't let your emotions overcome you.

be stronger.

2010-11-18T22:20:00.001+08:00

it's never too late to learn, i hope.

2010-11-18T01:00:00.002+08:00

life is too complicated for comfort. feeling snappy. i needa cut my hair soon. and get my life back on track.

it sucks man it really sucks.

2010-11-16T00:21:00.000+08:00

hi i am a hermit crab.
kekekekekeke.

2010-11-15T17:41:00.002+08:00

PW IS OFFICIALLY OVER :D

so happy. i screwed up my QnA tho =.= my answer was like what. 30s long. sigh. upset upset upset. definitely wasn't the best of the best man even tho i planned it in my head just hours before.
but i made everyone smile and laugh. they laughed at my QnA :(

i felt like a joke man. i actually laughed at my own answer also =.=

so happy sis and dad kept reminding me to MEMORISE MY SCRIPT.
feels like how i usually went for piano exams.
scary shit but actually the process calmed me lots.

because i was nervous about this stupid shit presentation,
i couldn't sleep.
i couldn't eat.
i kept thinking i had fever which was purely psychological, it happens everytime something major is coming up.

i guess i what i didn't like about presentation was that it kills me to know that people are paying attention. i wished they' stop looking at me. but i also want them to laugh at what i have to say.
overall, presentation is fun, if only the people didn't focus on me.

2010-11-14T22:31:00.002+08:00

few days ago. i had a bad dream. i was in spongebob's world and yes, living in bikini bottom with my mum.

freaking scary sharks. we two were the only humans. THE REST WERE REALLY FISH PEOPLE.

AND AND. MR KRAB WAS MY MAYOR.
HE HAD THIS IDK. FUTURISTIC PAIR OF CLOTHES.

i know what i'm gonna do for year 2011 :)
new year resolution: record every one of my dreams. HAHAHAHAHAAHA

hmm, sometimes. when we hear stuffs about other people, we tend to look at them in a different way altogether. note to self. be more cautious now that you know.

suddenly, i'm starting to dislike SA. it isn't more of the school that i dislike. i have incredible friends. but still, something is lacking. everybody is here for a reason. i'm here for a reason in your life. although i have no idea what that is you know. helping you to learn something? and once you've done it, i'm gone. without rhyme or reason. it's nobody's fault. it's just that. that's all i can do in your life, that's all i can walk down in your path.

i so adaptable to changes that it's scary 'cos the people in my life are ever changing. and i don't feel upset over it. it's time to get used to it. it's part and parcel isn't it. ha.

it sucks man. when you thought others really need you. but actually they don't.
lip service.
lip service.
lip service.
i'll leave without a tip.

my perfect home

2010-11-14T22:01:00.002+08:00

today, i'm going to talk about my perfect home.

i will live in a whale shark with my dog :) my dog will be called sunshine since i won't be able to see the light of the day anytime soon. i will have a lion as my automobile. i'll train it to swim. and he can take me out to land whenever i feel like it. oh. maybe i'll have a brontosaurus too :) i can slide down into the wild any time of the day. hang for dear life on it's neck while it's getting a kick outta swinging me around. i will scream. and then when it's flung me out to far into the ocean, i'll dive back into the whale shark. if i'm lucky the whale shark will spurt water out through it's blowhole ad send me flying back up into the air :D

this is my ideal home.

and i'm sure you're wondering. where are the people and why i sound like i'm living alone. well i am. i'm sure my family wouldn't want to leave their cosy home for a crazy life of mine :D it's okay, my trusty brontosaurus can endanger my life again by swinging me over. HA. and my friends can come over to play anytime :D

gosh. i think i predict a single life for me. which is definitely ultimate love. it's tragic out there. come on people, embrace the fact that you're so happily single =.= why get so hung up over some jerk/bitch who wouldn't give a damn. YOU live for yourself.

nobody is anybody's property. we all need to instill it in our heads.

2010-11-14T12:11:00.001+08:00

sometimes i invite/respond to friend requests from people which i thought i knew them.
but actually i don't.
HAHAHA OMG.

2010-11-13T23:05:00.002+08:00

见天看了命中注定我爱你。真的是很好笑。
纪存希，你的 Anna 到底是谁？
四年了，陈欣怡变了。不会再回头，虽然还是很想知道答案，但已经不重要。
可能以前嫌弃欣怡，现在是有缘无纷。

让事情一切会到原点。

2010-11-07T16:32:00.001+08:00

tra la la
tra la la
watch the little birds go by :)

whee whoop.
dee doo.
wahahaha.

2010-11-04T23:48:00.002+08:00

:))
sense of achievement day 2.

i can do this :)
i went running today.
it was not as fast as a sprint but it's definitely faster than a jog. so it's a run? hahahahaha. was supposed to admire the surroundings but i was subconsciously focusing on my physical state.
and i conclude: CUI.
ran 2k in 10mins. SO CUI :(

and i know why i can run faster.
cos people at the busstop waiting for bus nothing to do, look at me =.= then i. -runs faster, tries to look professional- LOOK PROFESSIONAL IS GOOD ENOUGH OKAY :)

today, i ran round the estate.
next time, around the avenue 2!
woot woot!
quit saf alr, must be more discipline. HEE. i TRY.

2010-11-04T00:05:00.001+08:00

:)
sense of achievement.

969-The Final Act

2010-10-30T23:12:00.003+08:00

sometimes i think our fates intertwine like thread,we meet, we greet, we get entangled in all sorts of events possible. but sometimes, our strings are long, our strings are short, so silk smooth that everything starts to fall into place, settle down and our paths diverge.

at least i hoped i've answered your questions well.

settled down for a conclusion. i'm always the one who asks what went wrong, it's a pity to give things up. but i'm also always the one who'll just abandon everything in a friendship and walk out on it, taking it that things never ever happened between us. i guess the same old rules apply here, i'll be there when you need me but if you're ready to move on, thats when i'll leave i guess.

and it's about time? somehow, i guess that is probably what you'd do too.i can't help thinking too much, thinking far ahead, i don't think i ever want to experience anything bad ever again.

i'll never see you the same way again.
i really hoped you would understand but that does not seem to be the case.
i won't forget everything.
but i guess it's time i let go.
if i slowly take a few steps back, i can slowly turn away and run off right?

this is as far as i can go for a friend.

it would be more meaningful to type this in 40 minutes but i guess, if i don't type it here now, i won't type it ever again.
happy halloween :)

2010-10-30T00:06:00.003+08:00

facebook really shows you the connections between friends you've missed out :)

looking at all the farewell assembly pictures. hmm. full of emotions i guess :)
i feel so old as i look at the pictures and i'd think "them kids :)"
the way they smile, laugh, crying loads.
they'd definitely have a more enriching secondary school life then i did :)

and i wonder how do teachers stay so strong. watching these younglings grow up for 4/5 years. and it's time to leave their care to another unknown phase of their lives. it's probably the time where we finally know what it really means for 'shit happens' in friendship, academics, whatnots.
time to take flight little ones :)

chirp chirp!

heeheehee.
you guys out there faring okay?

2010-10-29T18:39:00.001+08:00

annoyed much.

2010-10-28T18:20:00.002+08:00

downloaded personal taste ost :)-squeals in delight-

i really don't like people who think they know me well, when they don't actually. it leads to a lot of misunderstandings and yes, a false impression. not that i was going to show the world the real one anyway. but of course it'll be something you want to show instead of others showing a distorted side of you right?

but ever since i met the insignificant being. you can't dislike people anymore. like. the epitome of screaming "hate me". yup :)

so proud of myself. now it's just getting annoyed at people, and trying to avoid them.

peace loving kkayzxzxxz vOv

sometimes i wonder, how do you show your dissatisfaction towards someone without hurting their feelings? hard lo. well, back to putting the mask back on :)
we disguise ourselves to others but we end up disguising ourselves.
but this is the way the world works doesn't it?
even the teacher said
"if they want it, just give it"
we just can't say no to the higher ups can we? cos our future depends on it.

-laughs scornfully-

what sort of life is this? seriously!!!

2010-10-27T23:26:00.003+08:00

:( i feel bad for neglecting my secondary school friends.

i just want to say that even though we ceased contact, i'm sorry for not putting in enough effort, making sure that i'm there to support you.

i suck loads :(
for getting upset at my stuffs and not putting you all first. stupid me. PRIORITISE!

we ALL need an outing.
shop.
eat.
play.
bitch.
camwhore.

whatever :)

snatched XJ's camera today. KEHEEHEE. whats in my hands will forever be MINE!
took loads of photos. sorta.
cui clara.
cui bestie.
cui weiann.
cui xingjie.
NOT cui me :p

but all my faces were the same =.= UPLOAD IT SOON XING.
like she'll ever read it thought =.=

i guess sometimes it's good. when blogger came up everyone was into bloghopping. you've just gotta type politically correct stuffs, fake your words or either that emo all the way so that people will talk to you. either way, it's attention seeking.

BUT THATS BECAUSE WE WERE YOUNG :)

now that the readership has died down, god knows who continues to read this except ben lol :p

I CAN. SOMEHOW. HAVE THE FREEDOM OF SPEECH.
the only thing left is the vulgarities. HEE. i used to be a vulgar person. HOR BEN?
big thing small thing also nahbei nahbei.
BUT THATS BECAUSE NAHBEI SOUNDED THE COOLEST SWEAR WORD OF ALL.
to keep my innocent image squeaky clean, i shortened it to NB.
kinda lost the meaning la. like i can't say
'NB!'
'what? new balance? not bad"
....
kns very rough for girls :p

i see candice swearing on her tumblr. makes me wanna try it out. but yeah i guess the reason why i don't swear is because i think it's funny. eh but i know i used it like, 2 posts before. i won't say it ever again okay?
so many promises made lately.

*** BE PATIENT. VERY PATIENT.
** BE LESS UPSET
*BE MORE HARDWORKING.

okay sorry i didn't mean to give the last one just one pathetic star okay. everything comes from ATTITUDE. HEE. crap excuses la =.=

but i really can't help being annoyed.
this morning was really horrible. i nearly wanted to throw my phone away. hur hur.
but it's my cute X mini which i've yet to give it a name :(
.
.
.
i thought of a name alr.

I'LL CALL MY PHONE FIRETRUCK :D
red and BIG okay. CUTE RIGHT!
HEE.

I NEED TO DO MORE JUMP QUESTS!
HONE MY PATIENCE :):):)

HAPPY TODAY.
HAPPY TODAY.
HAPPY TODAY.
HAPPY TODAY.
HAPPY TODAY.
HAPPY TODAY.
HAPPY TODAY.
HAPPY TODAY.
HAPPY TODAY.
HAPPY TODAY.
HAPPY TODAY
HAPPY TODAY.
HAPPY TODAY.

one more reason to live on :) keep making others smile, don't let them be like me.

2010-10-27T00:37:00.003+08:00

:( today.

parents ain't 100% forgiven me.
you think i'm stupid and retarded, you don't say it but i know what you're thinking.

it's not like i won't try.
and you look down on my chinese, in the end? I WAS RIGHT OKAY. IN YOUR FACE. HAH.

my sis is giving me attitude now.
threw the stapler on my table =.=
you call yourself a peer helper?
your little sis is slowly giving up alr okay.

sometimes i really don't know why i'm here. it's a pain to bring me into this world. it's even more painful to be living in it.
today, when i told you all that i would run away. i was dead serious about it.
it's all just a matter of when.
i've saved enough money, i know where the passbook is and almost everything needed when i'm gone.

thinking how i should have died today :(
crash my dad's car.
just run away till i die of exhaustion.

whatever. i've had it.
when i told you i had to see the counsellor but i didn't want to, you just said on that day
"i think you should go"
and you've stopped asking about it ever since.

are you waiting for me to sink in to depression, start doing life endangering moments till you realised i'm not as sane as i've always acted?

do you know?
you're just afraid people will put the blame on you. to err is human. let those other effing annoying adults say what they like. you know me. i'm not those who'll blame anyone for no rhyme or reason. i'll think about it and if i still feel i'm not wrong i'll speak to you about it. you jsut seem to keep pulling me down.

you adults think that just because you are older you are right. i think your brains are like growing younger as you age. you ain't wiser. just annoying.

have you ever read the twisted story of peter pan?
"come on children, let's go to neverland"

they jumped out of the window and died.
will peter pan find me soon?

2010-10-26T00:03:00.003+08:00

such an emotional day.

conclusion?
i'm happier :)

i've to strive harder, physically and mentally stronger. and yes, more hard working.
i wanna be a smart child!

parents still angry at me. daddy doesn't wanna talk to me but i've been bugging him loads. how can he stay mad for long with a silly girl like me? HEE :)

'daddy want mango?'
"no."
'daddy want apple?'
"no."
'daddy want banana?"
"no."
"water?"
"go face the wall and kneel down"
":("

half and hour later.
"daddy there's a bug :( in the room"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
i love you loo loo. weekend getaway.
i love my guybestie loads too, the friend way. HEE.

i was foolish to conclude SA was better than AMKSS :(
i still can't find acceptance.
today was the DEFINING MOMENT and i know what to do from now on :)
================================================================
aiming to be your smart child.
years ago mummy was angry that i studied for the sake of them.
but mummy, don't you know? that's when i feel it was the only time i'd be really useful as a daughter to you.
********************************************************************************

2010-10-25T18:02:00.002+08:00

dear mummy and daddy,

i really wish i was a child you can be proud of :(
i'm sorry it's my fault.
i can't achieve anything that will make you both happy and blessed to have a child like me. i'll do better. i promise.

please don't be upset at me

T________________________________________________T

i'm sorry.
i wanna be a smart child too :(
it's my fault. it's my fault. it'a my fault.

why am i such a loser?

2010-10-25T17:45:00.001+08:00

i wish i wasn't so weak, both physically and mentally.

buck up mel, just fucking buck up.

it's time to wake up.

2010-10-25T17:10:00.000+08:00

:(

i didn't clear promos.
but i cleared overall.

sian.

2010-10-23T16:42:00.003+08:00

DAMN HAPPY NOW.
CAN I USE THE F WORD?
IM FREAKING HAPPY NOW NOW NOW

WHY?

COS I FINISHED MY COMIC FOR PW. HAHAAHAHA!
SO AWESOME IMHO.
COS IT'S DONE BY ME. AND ME ALONE.

IT'S BY FAR THE BEST MASTERPIECE
COS IT'S THE ONLY ONE

WATCH MY BABY TAKE FLIGHT ON OP DAY.
OWNNNNNN!

but i still feel sad.

2010-10-22T22:28:00.002+08:00

somehow, there's always a little truth in whatever people say.
it's so hard to hold it in.

T_T

2010-10-22T22:20:00.002+08:00

benjamin lau!
you're my best frienddddddddd.
who'll be there for me for everything :)
thankyou :)

it's funny how we'd think we didn't do enough for each other as bestfriends. but please. you went not only the extra mile, but from the journey to the moon and back :)

this is what 4 years of friendship gets you.

2010-10-20T01:16:00.003+08:00

:(

badly wanna abandon everything and runaway. i don't know which part of life do i not like. probably feeling alienated.

don't know who to believe in anymore.

maple loads. thanks to bestie my level shoots up pretty high. but i guess the addiction's gonna kick in. nono. CHINESE IS IMPT. i shall study for it.

when i went to school without the badge. i felt so self conscious. sucky feeling. maybe 5% happy that i was a normal student for those few hours. some showed their dissatisfaction when they heard i have to go to the badge. not the badge come to me. hahaha was abit =/ too but then again. my responsibility right?

sigh. and i was told that i was the first who'd believe everything that anyone says. can't really rmbr the exact reason but yeah. it goes along somewhere like this
"because you're my friend. i trust you to tell me what you want and what you do not want. i won't question you and i give you the freedom."
kinda sounds like, someone uncaring. hahahahaha.
cos it's easier if it comes straight from the person rather than forcing it out.

then again. if friends can't appreciate this then might as well don't enjoy it. things will get harder. sometimes i wish i were a loner. i just need time to myself. in my little igloo wondering how much longer do i have to move on with life's flow. i'm very adaptable. good and bad uh =/

they say life is short. so make the best out of everything. how can i, when i spend nearly a third at school, wasting my life away not doing what i want.
so many things man. so many things. i aim to do things i've never done before.

maybe if i get sick and tired of living i'll go murder someone. and suggest them to shoot me. fun what. it's not everyday you get to see real guns right?

:( i feel so. apathetic towards life and humans. honestly, i've been driven to the point where i don't care about anything. heart's frozen like don't know what.

i wish i weren't here.

2010-10-14T19:03:00.002+08:00

here to rant again :)

shall not flame anyone now. just that annoying people should just form the human centipede, douse them in kerosene and set them on fire.

'nuff said.

sometimes i feel this badge really ties me down :( back then in amkss my level of behaviour was considered very good already. come here is like crap lah seriously. 1 more time if some idiotic adult notices my badge, i swear i'm gonna take it off.

call me extra leh walao. you bird faced woman. as if feeling alienated from my peers wasn't enough.

got badge so what. still human right?

2010-10-13T22:08:00.002+08:00

finished friend's letters :)

reading 8days. 1st most annoying stuff was. people not replying emails or sms-es.
HAHAHA. this is damn epic. i was smiling to myself when i read it.

moving on. maybe i can't let the teacher catch me for my hair yet. PW OP LATER HE GIMME A C OR SMTH COS HE DOESN'T LIKE ME. WALAO. I THINK HE RECOGNISES ME. BLOODY HELL.

okay i'll be a good girl till then. if i get him for op, my pw is screwed. hur hur. funny how this is how respect is earned =.= lame shit. conforming and all these crappy stuffs.

2010-10-13T00:38:00.002+08:00

i'm gonna run away from my life someday.
no, there isn't any problem at home, i love my family as they are.

sometimes i just wanna forsake everything, forget about everything and leave this goddamn world.
throw my phone away and just keep running.
meet nobody.
face nobody.
be a nobody.

i feel so alien looking at you all 17 year olds out there.

i'm such a effing bitch.
just wanna tell you i'm sorry :(

2010-10-10T19:26:00.000+08:00

chiscake`` itching to bake! says:
*can't be
*im downloading maple
press to reset says:
*haha why cant be.
*downloading now/
*??
*LOLLLL
chiscake`` itching to bake! says:
*yup
*haha
press to reset says:
*MAPLE IS LIKE SEX. you need to abstain

i swear. i totally spit out my water when i saw that line.

2010-10-10T14:42:00.002+08:00

dailymotion is so sloooooow T_T

can't watch anything :( converted my macaron stuffs since mama went to buy only 70g of almonds =.= ah wells, shall try my best later :) they said baking needs to have a feel to it. it doesn't just go to the extent of following everything on the recipe book.

totally different from studying norms hur-hur.

can feel that macarons gonna be a failure :(

i went to download maple again. shall TRY :) i forgot how to roll proper stats =.= stupid bestie is painting his house now. i don't know what world to play and what stats to roll. that explains why i took a longer time than usual to level up as compared to others =/

i suddenly miss zal :( wanna see her again.

i feel so clingy to everyone. but i don't really wanna talk to anyone.

2010-10-10T00:10:00.001+08:00

i feel like shutting myself out from the rest of the world suddenly haha

back to square1

2010-10-09T00:06:00.002+08:00

crying doesn't make me feel better =.=

lousy de-stressing therapy. me and my great idea.

BUT THE SHOW IS DAMN NICE!

THE GIRL SHOULD JUST CHOOSE EITHER ASOU OR THE DOCTOR.DON'T LIKE THE STUPID SUPERFICIAL SENIOR. UGLY B. NOT LIKE YOU SOME DREAMBOAT LIKE THAT. YOU WILL END UP LIKE TITANIC. HAHAHA!

"the family is a haven in a heartless world." -allan bloom. i loved how closely knitted the family became, to be each others' supporting pillar :)

ESPESP. THE LITTLE GIRL. SO CUTE :) YOU JUST WANNA PICK HER UP AND SWING HER AROUND :):):):)

today was memorable :)
went home with SAF people. quite funny. hahaha. but it kinda took me down the memory lane again.
if i can pick it up, i can let it go :)

2010-10-08T00:18:00.002+08:00

945th post

55more till the 1000th :)

deja vu's were spamming me recently :( those pangs of mysterious nostalgia. hahahhahah.

i guess i can say i'm really happy today :)

shall read sixbillionsecrets again soon. i'm gonna post my secret there someday.

to sis, with love

2010-10-07T23:47:00.003+08:00

one day, if the building you were in caught fire, and you could only take just 1 item along with you, what will you take?

i'd take the keychain that my sis bought for me from hongkong :(

if that ever happened and i lost it during the commotion i doubt i would ever forgive myself.

i better leave it at home.

2010-10-07T22:13:00.001+08:00

T_T

2010-10-06T22:13:00.004+08:00

i spent all day at home like some sick bird =.=

it's been ages since i've cried. so i thought i'd challenge myself today.

AND SO.

YES I KNOW.

IM LIKE SUPER BACK DATED.

BUT IM WATCHING 1 LITRE OF TEARS.

i made a mistake, i went to watch the movie wondering how i could cry in 100 minutes, i didn't. so i went to watch the drama.

holy. it got me tearing like mad at the 2nd episode =.= the show wasn't the main point. what struck those tear glands was excerpts from her diary at the end of every episode. yes. imagine me, stoic for 59minutes then getting all teary in 60secs.

let these 11 episodes be the checkpoint before i carry on staying strong again :)

i feel so.. sigh.

2010-10-05T19:12:00.002+08:00

"honey, why are you crying?"
"because.. because.. I LOVE JUSTIN BIEBER!" -wails-

this lucky three year old kid managed to hug justin bieber in the end. lucky girl. bieber fever so bad but i think he fuelled it even more o-o

yours truly high fever don't get to hug anything okay.
why can't i get dengue instead. i'll have type 1/2/3/4 immunity. no immunity against this crazy i dunno what virus.

FLAME ON!

2010-10-04T18:42:00.002+08:00

i'm having mixed feelings here.
fell sick. dreadfully sick. so sick that i bet i could have been the tissue warrior of the day.
caught a flu/cold on sunday. high fever during the night. i couldn't sleep at all, with my back aching so badly :( even though i covered with 2 blankets to sweat it out, the body heat was like an oven lah =.=
BUT I REFUSED TO TAKE MC. quite proud of myself. always defying my parents and friend's concerns to just rest. sorry guybestfriend :( so i came to school, like crap. feel like crap and is probably crap too.
used up all 6pkts of tissue+nearly 8 with the ones girlbestfriend gave.

okay, i couldn't sleep during the study break. but i took a rest, flipped thru macro not knowing what shit it was cos i just wanted to sleep. whoaaa. like ytd's dongfang wuya who used up his remaining qi like that. during econs i was like. left-nose. right-write. felt my eye growing smaller and smaller hhahhaha.

came home and crashed.

and now i'm here.

but what i really wanted to say was,
thank you my friends who were showing concern for me. weiann who wanted to make lemon green tea but realised it wasn't good for highfever. keely who supplied tissues and those who asked if i was okay. oh. and my family's concern. hahahahaha. very imptttt. but no amount of words can express my gratitude uh.

once again, i felt it's alright to be terribly sick.

to tell you the truth, going to school was taking a gamble with life. thats why i went ahead. no sickness is going to stop me seriously.

but dam scared i fail chem. later retain :(

these 6 letters scare the hell outta me.

after math, going to bake stuffs. hohohohohohoho.

oh yeah. i wished the teacher who caught me for my skirt would catch me for my hair.

OH YEAH YEAH.
this is my facebook words of wisdom.

I don't have a model's face, I don't have a geek's brain. But the acceptance for my imperfections make me feel perfect :)
sounds so chim ^^

i want an alter ego :(

annoyed

2010-09-28T13:55:00.002+08:00

why am i always annoyed? because people annoy me.

got caught for skirt again =.= okay, i'll admit the previous one was my fault. but not this time I ADJUSTED RIGHT AFTER I WAS TOLD OFF THE FIRST TIME.
and so, this male teacher stopped me uh.
"do you know that your skirt is short at the back?"
well basically i was having an intense monologue with me, myself and i.
"do i look like i have eyes at the back of my head?" i thought.
"from hc somemore"
"so hc people have eyes at the back of their heads too?" i thought again.
"you better do something about that skirt"
"like what?" i thought again again.
oh god. i would seriously love to say that in his face. but still.
this badge is worth more than my life does.

before you answer this. ask yourself, have you ever worn this school skirt of mine?

look. i've walked past all the discipline mistresses not once, not twice but so many times. i believe i can even do pirouettes in front of them and get away with it, please note that i was walking ever so slowly and i'm sure you all jolly well know how eagle eyed these women are.

and how am i suppose to give you an answer when your black face doesn't look like it accepts anything. ugh. seriously. and you think i'm a seamstress who's so free to adjust my skirt length every single day just to please the likes of you, it's not like you're drop-dead gorgeous or young enough for me to even make the slightest effort to attract your attention? if you open your slitty eyes slightly bigger [i don't really expect much from a teacher like you] i'm sure, it'll make my skirt look like those of a nun. yes. ankles covered. their's is soooo high that it's like barely covering their fbts underneath.

ALSO.
why are you looking at a girl's skirt? explains pretty much about what you do when you walk around schools. even if your eyes stray you shouldn't expose yourself in such an ugly manner right?

if i had all the money in the world, i'd just throw a hissy fit and your life is ruined. i'll go to the police and tell them that it's considered as sexual harassment. who in the right mind would look at someone's skirt right? RIGHT? and it's not even female please. it was reported in the news that it's easy to get people like YOU into hot soup and hard to get people like YOU out of it. sounds pretty amusing to me if that ever happens.

but i'm nice. nice enough not to get connections leading to this badge into further trouble. nice enough to let you munch with your iron rice bowl.

WHAT IS BEING NICE?

you give adults a bad name. be thankful pixie's there to make it all nice and well. but still. other than pixie and her little forest friends, i think adults suck.loads.except my parents. and my friends' parents.

clothes don't maketh the man. you s.u.p.e.r.f.i.c.i.a.l being.

being a NSK taught me how to see the ugly world.

won't this be extremely controversial if a survey was done on how many male teachers catch girls with short skirt? sometimes all it needs is just a spark. you're light-years too young for a bitchy mind like mine.

can you imagine it coming out for a GP essay question lol.

take good care of that rice bowl.
this isn't a threat.
it's just a very gentle reminder.
from the very bitchy me.

xoxo [walao, so bimbotic] -chiscake.

2010-09-23T23:33:00.001+08:00

i wouldn't mind being put under anesthesia.

cos sometimes, i really don't care. if i got to wake up or not.

2010-09-23T23:20:00.000+08:00

i'm slowly inching along
why is that also wrong?

2010-09-22T01:16:00.002+08:00

:( sigh.

y'know. today's the first time i ever felt so. ugggggggggggh. in my life. and that just goes to show how attached i am to my friends :(

it's not that i have nobody to talk to. it's just that it's late alr =/ and i don't want to trouble them.

i know others have it worst than me. but i still can't help feeling crappy over it.

"sometimes i feel like complaining but at the end of the day i ask myself, what's the the point?"

T_T

2010-09-16T21:52:00.002+08:00

CANDICE GOH YUN SI I LOVE YOU ♥

you're seriously one of the best people i've ever met :)

i guess i really like SA a lot :) you have no idea how each and every one of the people i know here are important to me. like, just short of one. is able to make a difference in my life.

i could have hated school. who knew?

2010-09-16T21:47:00.002+08:00

java's so.. annoying. doesn't let me post until i update it :(

RASPBERRY MACARONS HERE I COME. loads of things to buy. tray, parchment paper, dye, ingredients.

we'll take it slow :) macarons sounds more fun than fondant cupcake but both equally yummy ^^ actually thats an excuse. i'm just lazy to bake batches of cupcakes. too many people to give alr =/

but give pple 1 macaron each like so... pathetic =.=

we'll see how.
hahahahahaha
C,Q,D,TTA,GBF,FAMILY,WW.

rawr. hope i can make like
50macarons =/ but then again. later fail like very =.=... 50macarons wasted. what if people stomach upset how =.= omggggggggg. stress.stress

2010-09-15T22:37:00.003+08:00

heee. i don't know what to feel sometimes. like why do friends only come to talk to me when they're bored?

2010-09-14T21:23:00.001+08:00

2010-09-12T18:22:00.002+08:00

saw some people in a photo that i didn't like. yes. don't like means don't like.
it ruined my day :(
bitches, them.

HAHAHA! i would liked to type their names out in caps but i scared my monitor spoil. not worth to get a new one just for the likes of both of them.

why should these idiots be granted a place on earth to live?

anyway, they are older than me. like.. many many decades older. because to me, you look like senior citizens, i give you face. p/s time to lose those tyres. they outweigh every positive aspect of you. haw haw haw. then again, judging by how you totally bullied me, i think you have no redeeming quality, hence you have a negative value. shame on you. pity your spouse and those related. if i were your child, i would have hung myself the moment i knew what suicide meant.

annoyed.

is this called a bitch fit? HAHAHA.

haiya. don't jian4 guai4. i'm born a super mean person :P
nonononono. correction. i am nice to everybody :)
being nice to bitches like them is totally undeserving.

anyway on to happier stuffs!

chiscake`` itching to bake! says:
later she is jessbunny
i don't get married forever

-Ben벤자민 라우 준지에ベン- -- says:
*how can
*then we got 1 mnhm less

there is a reason why you are my guy best friend k?

WHO KNOWS WHAT MNHM AND WE IS :D

2010-09-12T14:35:00.002+08:00

mummy planted another idea into my head :D

but that will mean i'll stick to my dying phone for another two years!!!

zmb :( i wish i could buy the lollipop phone. i'm too slow for andriods or symbians, whoever knows what that is :)

S90!

ugh. makes me look so materialistic :(

2010-09-11T16:35:00.002+08:00

watched this SURVIVING DISASTERS show on CNA. it's about hijacking. tells you stuffs about the things you gotta do to hijack back the plane. sounds damn awesome :)

but i didn't get one part =.=

"it's a 2:1 ratio. make sure he doesn't have a chance to move. you gotta use the "police cuff to the back" and keep his knees down"

and so i thought

"wouldn't it be easier if you can just, slam the head at the floor = K.O = yay?" or i don't know. the aircraft has so many sets of cutlery, surely you know what you gotta do with it in times of emergencies. who cares if the terrorist die or not. you rather the bad guy die or you die?

AND. okay it's quite informative uh. and i laughed when they taupok-ed this terrorist.

so they taught me how to subdue the person

and how to fly a plane. not really but.

adjust the frequency to 121.5 so that you can contact the people. i think other frequencies let you contact nothing but the atmosphere so don't try to be funny.

i like american shows :) much more informative than the ones sg have.

STOP PROMOTING CHINESE VARIETY SHOWS I GEDDIT ALREADY.
you think speaking cool huayu will let you escape the airplane alive? =.=

somehow the star awards thing kinda made it feel that it was propaganda. winning the award for i don't know what but i'm sure it wasn't informative, felt so... rigged. i'm sure paris and milan could have won, or anything but that.

why do i support all these extremist movements O_O?

2010-09-11T15:10:00.001+08:00

:DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

i wna play with puzzles

2010-09-11T13:58:00.002+08:00

finally cleared up what i missed out for my manga during this holidays. AWESOME.

away from it for a month :(

BUT THERE IS NO ONE TO SHARE MY SHOCKING REVELATIONS TO :(

like
"omg why this character die"
"huh so now whts the story about"

tch.

2010-09-09T23:19:00.003+08:00

I DEMAND THAT EVERYBODY TAKE "LEARNING HOW TO BE CONSERVATIVE" LESSONS FROM ME. COMPULSORY.

=.=

FOR THE GIRLS.
TOE THE LINE.

FOR THE GUYS.
DON'T ALLOW ANY MUSHROOM BOY MELON GIRL ANYWHERE.

YES. ANYWHERE.ANYWHERE.ANYWHERE.ANYWHERE.ANYWHERE.

AND FOR BOTH GENDERS.
DON'T SHOW OFF SO MUCH SKIN LIKE THE CHICKENS AT NTUC >:l

ugh. what is the world coming to.

2010-09-09T01:16:00.003+08:00

MATH REV. PACKAGE IS SO DEPRESSING.

I LOVE BIO NOW.

I HAVEN'T TOUCH CHEM+CHINESE ALTHO I LOVE THEM.

I FLIRTED WITH ECONS :(

this is called.

overcoming promos :)

HAHAH. SO CRAPPY.

2010-09-08T18:21:00.002+08:00

award me with the sotong of the year award :)

i wrote my birthday wrongly in some council file somewhere. hahahaha.

now i have 2 birthdays :)

i age twice as fast as you all.

2010-09-08T02:22:00.002+08:00

im quite satisfied with life as it is.
it's 2:22 am now. :) been owling for days.
slept at 3 in the morning woke up at 6 to go to school. damn shag. fell asleep during chem review [expected] well, no. i planned to anyway =X
awesome sleep ever. i even dreamt of my classmate.
finally got the energy to stay awake and somehow attentive from then onwards :) sacrifice small things and achieve greater things wahahahhaa.

i like pixie :) cute ttm.

came home and crashed again. ahwells. i had really bad time management skills.
nvm, i'll improve somehow :)
suddenly i'm contented with life once again. not having friendship problems does lengthen your telomeres :)

i will take responsibility for the consequences of sleeping late. please. don't try to stop me. it's futile anyway and i'll end up shortening your telomeres. i know you all care for me but stilll. concern and OVERLY concern are 2 distinct matters.

2010-09-06T23:37:00.001+08:00

today i realised.

guy talk and girl talk. are seriously very different issues altogether.

but both are surprisingly interesting :)

2010-09-06T23:35:00.001+08:00

RANG WO AU YE KE YI MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA >:l

2010-09-05T22:30:00.002+08:00

consolidating what i have to do and planning ahead for promos is a very daunting task
7days left, better make good use of it.

but i'm like, alr thinking what i'm going to do for the holidays.
WORK. WORK. and WORK :D

seriously, what can be happier than earning money? and watching those numbers jump in your bankbook. it's not about being materialistic or greedy, i'm just afraid one day my family doesn't have money and maybe those extra bucks will come in handy :)

but i'll definitely catch up on my studies uh. that is if i promote =/

okayokay. i aim for 37 rank pts.

how do i hate competition, friend :( but nvm, at least i'm competing with your past grade :D
i like moving at my own pace, but i'm moving too slowly whereas the world is spinning to fast for me to catch up.

so happy that i didn't on my phone for half a day. not to mention that i slept till 1. but HEY. i slept at 5 okay :)

AIM: SLEEP AT 3. FINISH READING LB 1!!!!

JIAYOU MEL MEL MEL MEL MEL MEL MEL :D

"完美无缺，你就是女王。“ -- SHAN WU SHUANG!

we all need a lil pep talk once in awhile :p

2010-09-05T16:34:00.002+08:00

stayed up till 5 to study bio. HOHOHO. haven't done it in months since Os.

thankyou bestie for staying up to pei wo. and no, i really study bio very slowly. HAHAHAHA.

died at 5am. alive at 1245 =.= it hink thats better lorrrr. rather than conk off at 11 wake up at 11 =.=

JIAYOU JIAYOU! JIAYOU!

JIAYOU EVERBODY TAKING O A LVLS! WAHOAHAHAHA!

EH. WHAT IF I RETAIN :(

2010-09-02T22:07:00.002+08:00

HELLO :)

I THINK I SAUNTER LIKE AN AHLIAN HAHAHAHAHA.
I THINK I HAVE A CHOU LIAN LIKE AN AHLIAN

IN SHORT I AM AN AHLIAN

YOU BELIEVE ANOT :)?

i'm surprised at how people can recognise me on stage :(

embarassing

IN HOUSE SUSPENSION

2010-09-01T23:24:00.002+08:00

YES. NO. IM NOT IN IT. BUT IM GOING TO TALK ABOUT IT.

when they said in house suspension, i thought i'd be where the student stays at home, does their stuffs and not come to school.

HOW WRONG I WAS.

it's actually students who have a table and chair all to themselves doing work outside the GO.

like omg? my whole life, from amkss to sa, i thought they were just ill students who had to take a test, like kena quarantine or what.

OMGGGGG. i learnt something new :) so proud of myself.

xingjie: you dunno all these while? amk got a lot leh.
mel: huh i thought they missed their test or smth. then teacher invigilate. AHAHAHAHAHA too free alr what.

but what jan said was right.

i sercretly, oops. yeah well i think in house suspension is more beneficial than staying for tutorials and lectures.

should i start going to school late :p?

2010-09-01T23:21:00.002+08:00

dear me,

i hope you're reading this. i'm sorry for not taking good care of myself :( but i don't know what to do :( is there other way under than to make my body buckle under pressure?

sigh :(

love, the lousy me.

2010-08-31T22:43:00.002+08:00

RAWR.
ITS OVER.
YEAHAHAHAHAHA!

went to catch up with relativelys after celebrations. FISH AND CO. IS AWESOME >:l laughed like mad again.

THANKYOU DDD FOR PAYING FOR THE SIDE DISHES AND GST :)

went to library, got lost, and FINALLY. met guy best friend :D
read econs, sigh, so tiring :(
talked to gbestie loads and loads. HAHAHA

hes so awesome. and i laughed like mad again. at the same thing about fish and co. SERIOUSLY =.=

YAY :D:D:D! awesome day.

gbestie rocks loh. keely sim, don't be jealous. you rock loads as well :D:D:D.

ahya. all best friends rock don't they :)?

love you all~ <3

2010-08-29T23:27:00.002+08:00

我真的好累。。。
每天问自己同样的问题。
心里一直在挣扎，
我应不应该继续活下去。

自私的世界。自私的我。

为何让自己受苦：（？

你去考虑考虑一下，我有没有对你不好？为什么要让我受委屈？

不对。我不能这么快死。我还没找到幸福。　：（
还是慢慢的在这里辛苦多一会儿。

2010-08-29T21:12:00.002+08:00

we must be open minded. and accept everybody :) esp gays and lesbians.

they are all human too. like.. why force them to be together with someone of the opposite sex, they don't love each other or even worse, the other party abuses them like no other.

isn't it better to have someone to love and loves you back even though i guess it's, not very morally correct.

but ohwells. i won't say i support it, i welcome it.

then again, i'm contradicting myself.
cos my idol is lesbian.
and i don't like it :(

sighhhhhhhh.
you can pig. :(

2010-08-26T23:02:00.000+08:00

right now. i badly need someone to cheer me up.

but i'm asking the impossible.

hah.

2010-08-26T22:48:00.002+08:00

sigh.

everyday, i tell myself, that nobody is perfect and i should accept people for who they are. be more understanding and kuan1 rong2 de4 jie1 shou4 ta1 men2.

i think i've committed the deadly sin of being greedy :(

life goes. on. stop whining.

i loathe. being the class rep. i know i'm not a good leader. but at least im trying.

then again. who can i push the blame to? the teacher? HAH =.= 5 more weeks. and i'll call it quits.
5 more weeks of phone relays
5 more weeks of getting the class's attention
5 more weeks of unnecessary burden.

haiya. just keep quiet and watch the clouds float by.

2010-08-25T21:57:00.002+08:00

while playing basketball today. i guess its about time i face reality. my legs are spoilt :( run run run. shin pain. run run run. shin pain :(

nevertheless. i'll just keep playing my ball games until my legs cannot tahan. ahahaha. my love :))))))))))))))))))

super grumpy today. i didn't eat oreo. it's like. my staple anti depressant :( :( :(

no oreo = no energy = lifeless.

i don't care. if i fall sick, if i fall down, got injured and it hurts like mad.
SI BU LIAO :)
why can't i be like normal girls who'll have a good cry?

so conspicuous either way =/

2010-08-24T22:51:00.002+08:00

its final :D

i addicted to cocoa.
oreo, milo. whatever.

i hope i die while eating.
i'm so tired with living. suffering for the sake of what i thought would be a bright future for me :(

i detest school.
but taitais the one keeping me going on. i love you girls.
i love candice many many too :):):):):)
you are all so cute when you all feel for me when i'm the only unfeeling one. makes me feel so not human but.. ahahhahha :)

i guess thats what friends are for?

TAKE A LEAF OUUTA THEIR BOOKS BENEB AND CALAC. AHAHAHA. kidding lah, you guys are just as awesome :)

i have very awesome friends. and that's what makes life more colourful than eating oreo and drinking milo.

2010-08-23T23:51:00.003+08:00

sometimes, i don't mind getting injured.

if i knew i could see the love you shower upon me :)

daddy&mummy. you know.
i can bear the pain from the fall. cos you both are there to care for me. i feel so so so loved that.. falling 1,2, or even 10 times.wouldn't hurt at all :)

but sometimes, when i laugh after a fall. it isn't so much that i looked funny. i'm just laughing at my stupid self :(

2010-08-23T23:09:00.001+08:00

:D i dedicate my life to food.

i'll work hard. go into food bio tech. create diet flour. and open a bakery. let the money roll in. and either die form eating my creations or die from having too much money till i drown in it.

HAHAHAHAHA. awesome.

2010-08-22T15:37:00.002+08:00

i've been feeling so annoyed that i have too many things to do and so little time. on friday, i nearly wanted to throw my phone on the floor =/ i wish i'd stop seeing sms-es from any one whether it's important or not :(

a hungry mel is an angry mel. thats proven. i felt much better after eating :) the wonders of food.

sometimes i wonder why we're all working so hard just to secure a high flyer's job. earn loads of money and retire early.

i think i've found my calling :)

to be a baker. and learn how to dance :)

it makes me happy. thank you cookie dozer.

"nvm lah, we've got the giant cookie"

i think i'll grow up to be fat. shit.

2010-08-18T23:17:00.001+08:00

you'll forgive me if i stop being me right?

it came to such a point that smiling was a habit, regardless of whether you like it or not, you want to or not.

i will continue to smile for the sake of smiling.

2010-08-18T22:59:00.003+08:00

you know,
there's no point in telling your problems to others if they don't have the right attitude to listen to what it is.
then why give me hope by saying that i can turn to you?

:(

i feel so cut off from saf. i didn't undergo the hiong camp, didn't attend SEP, couldn't go for gym duty. i'm just like.. a member in name only?
then what's the point of staying on =/
i feel so cut off from my friends. or sometimes it's just me. i can't see from their POV, i can't see anything at all.
then what's the point of staying on =/
i feel so cut off from the world.
then what's the point of staying on =/

when i told you
"i wish i wasn't alive",
you laughed it off.
but i was dead serious when i meant it.

calac, i'm giving up. sigh.

2010-08-17T23:41:00.000+08:00

wan mei wu que, ni jiu shi nv wang :)

melem ng! jiayou jiayou jiayou!

2010-08-15T15:24:00.002+08:00

today just made me realise what i heartless person i am =/

it's the 7th month now, not a very good time to talk about it either.

death is such a.. i don't know. at times we fear it, at times we embrace it, at times we wished it would happen to us instead of others.

they said, nobody dies alone. one down, one more to go, but who will it be =/?

and i asked myself, why didn't i feel sad. is it because i too, got sick of being here. because i didn't know the person well, because i wasn't exactly there the moment it happened?

if i had to comment on it, i guess it's really a pity. having lived through more than half a lifetime just to end it all. if it were my age, it'll be stupid cos we don't know what life has in store for us either. but if we're unhappy, why are we not allowed to end our misery?

maybe i should have looked out at the window. stop being such a gutless freak. and consider my options.

it's only.. day 6. until this month ends i think i'm going to stick with option 3.

i sincerely pray that god will bless the lost soul, and guide it back to a happier path. i sincerely pray that the neighbourhood stays safe.

seeing one person's body being covered up last year is enough. hearing one person jumped off today is enough.

why won't you people fight with life till the end =/ why were they not brave enough to lie to themselves to live for one more day. why now?

this is too confusing for me.

2010-08-10T21:22:00.002+08:00

was thinking deeply once again :) this time i think it's good.

have you ever experienced deja vu? where we could see the future within our dreams. we'll never remember them once we wake up but we'll feel that it has happened once it has taken place. welcome to your subconscious world. wouldn't it be great if we could really enter that state of mind?

if we could see the future and remember it, wouldn't it be good? we can make pre-planned choices and avoid errors. we can meet our lifelong friends and our other half. too bad, it's only something that we can see. but doesn't that mean, our future is happening as i'm typing this out now? so mind boggling.

hahaha. this is way better than inception :)

2010-08-08T21:23:00.002+08:00

a friendship is like a candle, giving out warmth enough for two. situations change as the wax melts and forms into another shape. it will all end when the wick dies.

i want to write a book. i think this will sell. HAHAHAAAHA.

2010-08-08T01:12:00.002+08:00

i should stop blogging sad stuffs and talk about happier ones instead. i'm sorry if i brought the mood down :(

2010-08-07T21:30:00.003+08:00

national day celebration is over :)

but i'll have to admit that i was upset after i heard my class took loads pf photos, without me :( it's on fb now. sigh.

and then i realised smth that mr G used to tell us "it's not about the destination, but the journey" you know what i learned in this journey? that in the end, nobody can just stop to admire whatever took place. it's results driven. so do i. so do you. 'nuff said.

went home. bathed. and left for tuition.
sleep write [i think thats a talent okay] on my paper and didn't understand what i was writing.

rushed like mad to pizza hut after tuition. WASN'T THE LAST.

YES. ITS THE GIRL GUIDES ALL SENIORS DINNER EVENT :) time flies doesn't it. i think we all grew up. gossip-ed. and went crazy HAHAHAHAH. it's always great to meet up and catch up with the old times :) htht-ed with joy :)

TOOK PHOTOS. HEEHEEHEE. shall upload them soon. YAAAAAAAAAAAY!